Ricky Gervais took the phase for a record-breaking 5th time as host for the 77 th yearly Golden Globes on Sunday night to riff on Felicity Huffman, Martin Scorsese height, and Judi Dench‘s personal parts.
Appearing with his white t-shirt unbuttoned and without a bow tie before a Beverly Hilton ballroom complete of stars, Gervais started by alerting everybody that it was his last time hosting the awards and that he doesn’t “care any longer,” prior to including, “I’m joking. I never ever did. NBC plainly don’t care, either.
” 5th time,” he continued. “ Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars for some offensive tweets. Fortunate for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press can hardly speak English. They have no idea what Twitter is.”
Here are a few of his yuks:
— Let’s have a laugh at your cost, shall we? Remember they are just jokes. We are all going to pass away soon and there is no sequel. Keep in mind that.
— I came here in a limo tonight and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman It’s her daughter I pity. That must be the most humiliating thing that ever happened to her. And her papa remained in Wild Hogs.
— Al Pacino. Robert De Niro. Baby Yoda. Oh no, that’s Joe Pesci, sorry.
— Tonight is not practically individuals in front of the cam. In this space, there are the most important TV and movie executives on the planet. Individuals from every background however they all have one thing in common: they are all horrified of Ronan Farrow He’s coming for you.
— Discuss you perverts. It was a huge year for pedophile films. Enduring R. Kelly Leaving Neverland Two Popes.
— Many talented people of color were snubbed in major categories. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about that. The Hollywood Foreign Press are all extremely, really racist.
— We were going to do an in memoriam this year, however when I saw the list of individuals who had actually died it wasn’t varied enough. It was mostly white individuals and I thought nah, not on my watch.
— Many films are dreadful. Remakes. Sequels. I heard a rumor there might be a follow up to Sophie’s Choice I suggest that would simply be Meryl Streep going, “Well it’s got to be this one then.”
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— All the finest stars have leapt to Netflix to HBO. The stars who simply do films now do dream adventures. They wear masks and capes and actually tight outfits. Their job isn’t acting any longer. It’s going to the gym twice a day and taking steroids. Do we have an award for most ripped junkie?
— Martin Scorsese made the news about his controversial remarks about the Marvel franchise. He said they are not real movie theater and they advise him of style parks. I agree but I don’t understand what he’s doing spending time style parks. He’s not big enough to go on the trips. He’s tiny.
— The Irishman was fantastic. Long but amazing. It isn’t the only epic motion picture. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio went to the best and by the end, his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew is like, begin Leo, mate.
— The world got to see James Corden as a fat pussy. He was also in the film Cats however nobody saw that. And the reviews, stunning. I saw one that said this is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs. However Dame Judi Dench defended the movie by stating it was the function she was born to play since she … I can’t do this next joke … since she likes absolutely nothing much better than plunking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg, and licking her[bleep] Furball. Furball. She’s old-fashioned. It’s the last time, who cares?
— Nobody cares about motion pictures any longer. No one goes to the movie theater. Nobody actually views network TV. Everyone’s enjoying Netflix. This program must simply be me going, ‘Well done, Netflix, you win whatever. Excellent night.’ However no, we got ta drag it out for 3 hours. You could binge-watch the entire very first season of Afterlife rather of seeing this program. That’s a program about a guy who wishes to kill himself because his other half dies of cancer and it’s still more enjoyable than this, okay? Spoiler alert: Season 2 is on the method, so certainly he didn’t kill himself– much like Jeffrey Epstein.[Audience groans] Stop talking, I know he’s your good friend, but I don’t care.”
Enjoy his complete opening monologue below:
For photos of stars and starlets arriving on the red carpet, see our Golden Globes 2020 gallery
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